P.S. Einstein had a goat fursuit it is rumored….
Me: I don't know you anymore, you've changed.
Paul: How the fuck have I changed?
Me: You used to be Weird Al and now you're Penn Jillette!!
Holding in my farts is as romantic as I get.
What is that, the vulcan mind-fuck?
It’s a catch 22. If you’re disabled you’re not perceived as weak/helpless, but lazy. Then if you work, you’re “faking it”.
Whitney - When discussing the prevalence of disbelief disabled people are confronted with. (via everydayableism)
I am the manager of a Del Taco and I served this person named “Fertz” or “Fizz” or something. After shorting me 75 cents for a smothered burrito, they took someone in the bathroom and left a terrible mess. I don’t know what they did in there but I don’t want to know. Please put “Fitz” on this list, please.
throw teenie weenies from bad dragon into a cieling fan to liven up any party
i took a dump that would scare most mortals
your nipples could cut through fucking diamond, heichou
me am just daydream of shockingly huge dildo
when i was little i would listen to my pure moods cassette tape and imagine scooby doo dying because i really hated scooby doo at the time
get penile implants so you can put your sunflower seeds in your inflatable dick
interacting wiht people is stupid fuckin everoyne eat shit birds
signal boost if this gets 100k notes ill shit in my homophobic moms meatloaf
wow excuse ME but we all cant aspire to get round like balloon and fly the fuck away some of us gotta peg our twin brother